“I Deserve This” — Understanding Permissive Thoughts and How They Sabotage Your Recovery Goals
You’ve had a hard day.
You’re tired, frustrated, maybe even a little hurt.
And suddenly, your brain whispers:
“I deserve this.”
A glass of wine.
A scroll through TikTok until 1 a.m.
That relationship you know isn’t healthy.
Another handful of chips.
Whatever your “go-to” escape is—it suddenly feels justified.
That’s what we call a permissive thought—a seemingly innocent phrase that gives you permission to override your boundaries and default back into a coping pattern you’re trying to move away from.
And if you’re on a healing or recovery journey, these thoughts are powerful.
But here’s the good news: once you recognize them for what they are, you can change the story.
What Are Permissive Thoughts?
Permissive thoughts are those little “passes” our brain gives us to justify behaviors that ultimately keep us stuck.
Here are some examples:
“It’s been a long day—I’ve earned this.”
“Everyone else is doing it.”
“It’s just one drink.”
“I’ll start over tomorrow.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“I need this to relax.”
Sound familiar?
These thoughts don’t show up as red flags.
They show up as self-care or deserved rest.
But they often lead to decisions that don’t align with the version of you that you’re trying to become.
Why We Give Ourselves Permission to Numb
When we’re emotionally dysregulated, overwhelmed, or disconnected, our brains search for the quickest route to comfort.
That’s why your “go-to” numbing behavior becomes so tempting—it promises relief.
The permissive thought is the bridge between the discomfort and the behavior.
It makes the decision feel not only okay—but deserved.
And in a world that constantly tells you to reward yourself with a drink, a treat, or a scroll, it’s no wonder these thoughts feel so natural.
But healing requires awareness. And awareness is a skill.
How to Interrupt Permissive Thought Loops
Taking just a moment to pause, quiet the mind, and check in with our thoughts and feelings can be the difference between slipping into self-sabotage and staying rooted in our truth.
It’s in that mindful pause where we reclaim our power—where we choose presence over patterns, and alignment over impulse.
Here’s the tool I teach my clients and students:
Catch → Question → Choose
Catch the permissive thought as it shows up.
Pause. Notice. Name it. (“Oh, that’s my ‘I deserve this’ thought.”)Question it with curiosity, not judgment.
“What do I really need right now?”
“Will this bring me peace—or just a short-term escape?”Choose the next best aligned action.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just intentional.
Maybe it’s a bath. Maybe it’s journaling. Maybe it’s going to bed early.
The more you do this, the more you rewire your brain to choose real comfort over temporary relief.
You Don’t Need to Be Perfect—You Just Need Tools
This work is subtle, but it’s powerful.
Understanding permissive thoughts is just one of the ways I help people move from numbing to healing inside my Empowered Recovery Course.
If you’re exploring sobriety, emotional regulation, or just tired of the cycle of numbing out, I’d love to invite you to check it out.
Free Download: Permissive Chatter: Catching Thoughts That Block Your Progress
Want to dive deeper into understanding your habits and starting your reset?
Grab my free PDF guide: Permissive Chatter: Catching Thoughts That Block Your Progress
It’s a simple, eye-opening tool that helps you identify permissive thoughts, understand their emotional triggers, and replace them with aligned, truth-based choices.
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Final Thoughts
Permissive thoughts don’t make you weak.
They make you human.
But now that you can see them for what they are, you don’t have to let them run the show.
You’re allowed to want more.
You’re allowed to choose peace.
You’re allowed to heal.
And I’m here to walk with you as you do.
With you always,
Prairie